The Candle of Love, often called the Shepherds Candle, will soon be lit and celebrated as a radiant symbol of hope and compassion. Traditionally glowing with a soft pink light, it reminds us of the shepherds who first heard the joyful news of Christ’s birth, and it calls us to embrace love in its purest form—love that is humble, selfless, and welcoming. As this candle shines, it invites us to open our hearts to others, to share kindness generously, and to let love be the guiding flame in our lives, just as Jesus commanded us to.
Many theologians and spiritual leaders interpret the command to "love one another," especially when applied to those who have harmed us, as a call to agape love, which is different from philia (brotherly love) or eros (romantic love).
It is important to know this distinction because a lot depends on our understanding and practise of "love".
The main reason we know Jesus was talking about agape (\alpha\gamma\alpha^{\prime}\pi\eta) love is due to the specific Greek word used in the original New Testament texts, and the context in which that command is given.
The Linguistic Evidence
The New Testament was originally written in Greek, and that language has several distinct words for "love." The two most relevant are:
Agape (\alpha\gamma\alpha^{\prime}\pi\eta): This is the word most often used when describing God's love for humanity, and the love Christians are commanded to have for one another and for their enemies. It signifies an unconditional, willful, self-sacrificial commitment to the well-being of the other person. It is not dependent on feelings or the worthiness of the recipient.
Philia (\varphi\iota\lambda\iota^{\prime}\alpha): This refers to brotherly love, friendship, or affection. It is a reciprocal, emotion-based, personal fondness—the kind of love you feel for a friend or family member.
When Jesus issues the difficult command to "love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44) and the "new commandment" to "love one another" (John 13:34-35), the word consistently used in the Greek text (or its verb form, agapaō) is agape.
Since he commands this love for enemies—people whom we naturally do not like or feel affection for—it immediately rules out the emotional love of philia. The only type of love that can be commanded for an enemy is the agape love of the will—a choice to seek their welfare, not a feeling of warmth.
The Definition of God's Nature
The New Testament defines God as this kind of love: "God is love" (1 John 4:8, 16). The Greek word used here is agape. Therefore, the love humans are commanded to show is meant to be a reflection of God's own unconditional, self-giving nature.
In summary, the use of agape in the original language signifies that Jesus was calling for a transcendent, principled love of action and goodwill, not a sentimental, emotional love of friendship.
Here is a breakdown of how this kind of love is generally understood in difficult situations:
Understanding Agape Love
It is not an Emotion: Agape is not a feeling of warmth, affection, or personal liking. It is primarily an act of the will and a commitment to action for the other person's well-being, regardless of their behavior or your feelings toward them.
It is Wishing Them Well: Loving an enemy means wishing them peace and good, not harm or revenge. It is praying for their good, even if you never speak to them again.
It is Practical and Boundaries-Based: This love does not mean you have to continue to associate with, trust, or tolerate abusive behavior. True love sometimes requires establishing firm boundaries for your own safety and sanity, and for the possibility of the other person changing.
How to Apply Agape: Love in Action
Forgiveness
Releasing the debt: Forgiveness is letting go of the demand that the person pay you back for the harm they caused. It is for your own freedom, not necessarily for their benefit. It does not mean forgetting or absolving them of responsibility.
Non-Retaliation
"Turn the other cheek": This is often interpreted as breaking the cycle of violence and revenge. It means choosing not to harm them back, even if you could, and refusing to sink to their level of rudeness.
Compassion/Empathy
Seeing their brokenness: Often, a person who is rude, insulting, or harmful is acting out of their own deep pain, fear, or insecurity. Loving them can be seeing the person behind the hurtful behavior and recognizing their broken humanity without excusing their actions.
Setting Boundaries
Protecting yourself: You can love someone from a distance. If they are actively harmful, loving them may mean refusing to engage, ending a relationship, or seeking protection (e.g., in cases of abuse). This is an act of self-respect, which is also a form of love.
In short, the challenge is to separate the person from their actions. You are called to love the inherent worth of the person as a human being (agape), while strongly rejecting their rude, insulting, or harmful behavior.
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